Tuesday, November 19, 2013

mtn mama: go, jabberwalkey

I woke up blue today.  Mmm hmm, with the blues.

My J's fly out to Texas tomorrow for 5 whole entire days.  As drama queen of this household, that's a long ass time.  To miss my loves!  To see if she'll talk to me on the phone and how I'll sleep.  I always seem to end up with insomnia when my boatman's away..

I've left them before, my J's.  Once in the Spring, to take my choir on tour.  (Good reminder- I need to unearth that draft!)  Once in the summer, for a quick solo trip to Missoula.  Both times left a pit in my heart where the fruit normally is.

Never saw that coming, the pit, the blues.  I never knew I would be a little sad when she stopped saying Wawee and changed to the more sophisticated Water.  Never knew how much being a parent could change me!  Oh, my heart!

My need to document life is growing.  I didn't know that would happen, but I find myself thinking of film all the time, but I just never seem to be equipped.  Mama Go-Pro!  

The art of a young child growing up, learning to engage with the word, it's just so beautiful.

Hearing her animal sounds, seeing her look at her map (thank you Andy and Becky she is obsessed!), and have more things come out each day.
"Fish fish.  Glub glub."
"Lion.  Rawr"
"Goodnight,
animals.
See ya."

Ah, this feeling: of time is passing so fast.  I remember meeting a girl in the Monte Dolack gallery, one-year old babe in her Ergo, who told me how fast it goes as she bounced up and down to the local Mountain Breathers duo.  Dancing mama couldn't get over tiny 2 week-old Josey, wrapped in the Moby, assuring me to Enjoy Every Moment, They Go So Fast.

To get out that night, for just a couple hours on the town with friends felt like such a big excursion, worrying constantly about nursing and her tiny cry.  Not long before that she was in my body!
Motherhood is so physical, and unexpected.  It is beautiful, it is contrast, it is changing seasons.
I love documenting it.


Still, blogging brings on it's own set of challenges, and my to-do's are wearing on me.  (If you haven't checked out Hyperbole and a Half, by the way, do.  This is my favorite post.)

Like the brilliant H & 1/2, I seem to get overly excited when I do a good deed, something productive, etc.  Rather than maintaining that feeling by continuing to be productive in that area, my attention switches.  Makes it hard to get things done.

So, to sum it all up, life is passing by.  It goes too bloody fast.  So, don't dilly dally.  Do what you want to do, and be done with it.  Stopping to second-guess yourself, in any pursuit, is a detour to happiness.  We'll see if I can hone my writing, and life, to be more intuitive.  Less looking around the dance floor, more dancing.  I have a feeling that motherhood and age help, too.

While Josey and James are having a BLAST in Texas with our awesome family, I hope not to pine away.  James is expertly packing for their airplane adventure now, and I smile back on our babes trip to CO.  I'm happy for them to have this memorable Daddy - Daughter time.  

As mentioned earlier this week, the holidays are approaching like the Polar Express, and I want to be able to enjoy them as much as possible, so, it's time to clean up the to-do list and drafts.  Upcoming posts include:

-Choir Chatter- Holiday Rep
-Choir Chatter- Planning a Choir Tour
-Choir Chatter- SFA

etc....

Being apart, I guess that's an important part of this family process, too.  Independence, confidence, hearts growing fonder, all the goods.

Go, my little jabberwalkey!  Go my green giant!  
Can't wait to hear about your adventure.  I will miss you so!  


2 comments:

  1. "Both times left a pit in my heart where the fruit normally is." Awesome line. Perfect.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ah, thank you! It is so true. I'm glad she's home, my little peach~!

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