Saturday, February 28, 2015

A reflection of who you are...

favorite oil for cleaning
... we are listening to Pea Green Boat, and it's Saturday again.  I like this line from a song: "a reflection of who you are."  I need to write.  The weeks are seeming to barrel by leaving little time for personal blogging during the week.  I'm logging 10 hours a week on Glacier Park Boat Company work, learning more about wordpress as I go and starting to expand to other online tasks for them, too.  Plus my music-teaching/outreach schedule is starting to fill up more which I love, but I am working on maintaining a balance in the home (hopefully an even better one than before)



I'm striving to instigate more circles of productivity in all areas of my life.  More regular spurts of activity, uninterrupted, to be more productive.  Running, cleaning, (dreaming about getting up earlier too but still haven't made that one happen).  As we become busier, we're needing more routine, to save time.  Something as simple as a planner which I haven't used in so long, is becoming very very necessary.

love the light on evening runs


Driving to and from North Valley Music school or my longer Friday commutes to music schools, I dream of the connection we all have, this web of people and lives.  I think about the brief interractions we have with some people, and how they can change us forever.

When I was pregnant with Josey (and Eliza), many of my friends would share the stories of their friends who'd had babies with me.  One woman I heard a lot about, and loved meeting was Tamara.  The mom of 5, she loved homebirth and midwifery.  While I wasn't quite ready for a homebirth at that point in time, I stored the bits and pieces Tamara shared about her experiences with me.  She was so kind and open and gave me confidence in a time of newness with my pregnancy and motherhood.

Last week, Tamara lost her first daughter Savannah in a car accident, at 21.  Her niece and Savannah's best friend was killed, too.  The news shook me in my moods last week, as that sudden news of death is always jarring.  Last Fall in the Florence family, a beloved student/athlete/musician/role model was killed in a car accident during his Sophomore year of high school.  I still think about him everyday.  Why do these things happen?  James reminds me of how safe we need to be when driving and how we can only do what we can do, and make the best of it.  

Savannah's life goes on, her organs were donated to five different people.  She saved five lives.  That in itself is so amazing!

//

That notion - making the best of it, living without regrets- has been on my heart.  I know that if I'm honest with myself, I hold back a lot.  Naturally, I'm an extrovert, who is also ultra-sensitive.  I tend to want to reach out more to people more than I do, because I've become accustomed to holding back my impulses to be more like everyone else, not rock the boat.

Yet, that's just not me.  When I hold back, I am filled with a sense of regret that blinds my ability to enjoy the present.  Finding a healthy balance between the outside world and my immediate family (especially, my husby), puts me at ease.  With all of that, I'm striving to follow my intended path for increased positive impact in the world.

Have you thought about that lately, your impact on the world?

I love the Flathead Valley

It seems that we're in a time of true change, everytime I hear the news, it seems like this pendulum is swinging in our culture, and it might settle somewhere better.  In my 28th year, I'm thinking so much about my place on this planet and with the people around me, the people who have already become connected to me through past experience, and who I want to be as a whole.

As I look ahead at my own life path, as a person who strives to bring music & happiness to others, I see that this is going to take a bit more work, more shaking it up, than I'm used to.  The tasks ahead are challenging, but are going to really take me out of my comfort zone.  I can do it though, and the more I can release holding patterns in my life & in my body, the better I can be.  Let it gooooo!  Let it goooo!

Big waters
I learned recently that traditionally, the Chinese believe anger to be a creative seed.  Several times this week, I have felt spurts of anger when annoyed (which were sadly channelled back toward my headstrong toddler), and have been yearning for a way to rechannel those feelings.  Today, we went to the beach and I drew in the sand with my hands and I realized that my creativity IS my life force and I need to be getting it out more effectively through my life work to achieve happiness.

Goal-setting is good, it's usually why I write.  (Writing Your Way to Happiness)

If you're reading, hope you have a great, recharging weekend!  

Welcome, March!


Parents and children

Sunday, February 22, 2015

8/52: sunny sandy sistas





A big part of me doesn't even think the internet, this blog, will be around when these girls are teenagers and older.  Yes, I worry about the apocalypse.  

Still, I think about this as not only a little snapshot for family & friends far away, 
but an opportunity for an artifact for them to look back on.  

Girls, I love watching you grow.  
You get bigger and bigger and I remember growing you inside of me, pushing you out of me.

And everything changed.
I began to understand a whole new level of grief.  

I don't understand why some people lose their babies,
their children, their loves
why it is so hard for some loving, hardworking parents to conceive
yet so easy for teenagers who have no direction.

I'm feel guilt for something I have nothing to do with.  

Instead of pretending to know, I just have to do the best I can.
That's all we all can do.  

So, I want to keep myself to the challenge of blogging your pictures every week.  
You grow so fast!

Sunday, February 15, 2015

Mtn mama: 7/52

This portraits project is doing nothing but show me how quickly the weeks barrel by!! 


You girls sure do take it outta me!  I have all the best intentions for so many things, and want to find more energy for you!  


My lights!

You two are just loving eachother more & more, learning to share & play a little bit together.  It is sweet so see and I think about how you're so much like baby animals!  


Eliza has 6+ teeth & loves to crawl & stand to walk around furniture. Says "hi" all the time, smiles & claps and still loves to snuggle.  


Josey Bean, you're turning into such a little girl! So sweet & helpful and full of fire! Current loves are painting and Frozen.  Your "special movie".  Other fantastic quotes of late: 
"I need some privat-cy." 
"Actually, um..." (with the cutest lip-smack and tuck of the girls behind the ears)
"With Eliza" (your response whenever I mention the next outing)

It is amazing to watch you grow.  It scares me, too.  Thinking about my childhood, my hurts and dreams and, how sensitive I was.  I see it all in you, too.  I want to help you through all the scary things, and I want to have FUN with you, too.  




Sunday, February 8, 2015

Mtn Mama: 6/52

Although we were all feeling a little under-the-weather, we checked out the 
Winter Carnival Parade 2015




Sunday, February 1, 2015

5/52

"Do you want to build a snowman?"


(Baby needs shades.)


Josey wanted to make a snowman on the big rocks by the beach.






"Eliza wanna get on here. She needs to make the snowman."




Happy!

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